In which we "make pasta..."

Upon being recently gifted with an All-Amazing-Superfabulously-Hawt-KitchenAid Mixer, my first thought was somehow that I could totally make pasta. Can't be that hard, I thought, it's just dough... I can make dough... and homemade pasta would be so... homey! interesting! so very... from scratch. Because I'm cool and good at making things from scratch. Perhaps I could even come off as looking talented.

Naturally, I'm not THAT good and for some reason, despite the fact that I bake my own bread on a regular basis and cook all the time, I don't own a rolling pin and am more prone to using large cans of the dog's green beans or whatever is in my cabinet when I'm trying to roll something out. So I tried to find the Kitchenaid Pasta attachment.

I googled and found little plates that you can attach to your meat grinder, which came complete with reviews like "caused kitchenaid motor to smoke like crazy" and the ilk and then, found reviews for the Kitchenaid Pasta Maker... which cost nearly as much as the mixer. Bah! I'm not spending hundreds of dollars on a pasta maker, sez I.

So dad and I impulsively went E-Bay shopping and the first thing that popped up was the Atlas Regina, circa the early 90s and made of plastic. We totally missed the all the other pasta makers on ebay, because the Atlas Regina promised to make SHAPES! SHAPES! None of the other pasta makers made SHAPES!

Drawn by the promises of homemade fusili, we ponied up for the Atlas Regina:



In all of it's completely weird-ass glory.

and then Brother Ari came over for an evening of pasta making.

First the All-Amazing-Superfabulous-Hawt KitchenAid mixer churned up Dough Batch One...



and Brother Ari kneaded the dough...



We have dough...



We have no idea what dough is supposed to look like... but it weighs a TON!



OMG! LITTLE BITTY PASTAS!!!



It's called an "extruder."



See them extrude?



Like... um, fuck, worms. Flour dusted worms. Unfortunately, they were too dense to really DO much with... Ari and I ate a few of them and they were reasonably pasta-like, just... very very dense. And very very sticky. Which is why we floured them.




WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

We will try again through a proper pasta roller. Meanwhile, does anyone want a Atlas Regina?

Names of the week...

In the interest of my sister's collection of Bad Baby Names, BHAC has decided to start a "Names of the Week" section. It may or may not be updated by the week, but whatever.

Included sections include Inappropriate Use of The Apostrophe, Inappropriate Spellings, Names We Can't Pronounce, and just about anything else that makes us laugh.

This week's are:

L'Aura.

Shabanna.

Spaetzle (Pronounced Spetzel).

Divinity, served cold with onion and miracle whip

In searching for a nice, basic pasta recipe that I could make for this evening: something involving maybe some good parmesan cheese, broccoli, spinach, olive oil, garlic, maybe some asparagus or sundried tomatoes or something... I came across one of the reasons that, from a culinary perspective, sometimes America sucks.

I give you MAC RANCH!

1/2 bottle ranch dressing
1/2 container vegetable dip
1/3 cup purchased salad dressing
4 stalks celery, diced
4 hard boiled eggs, peeled
1 box spaghetti noodles, cooked
1/4 cup milk
5 scallions, chopped

Chill noodles and eggs. Chop eggs into noodles. Add mixture of onions and celery. Add ranch dressing and vegetable dip. Add salad dressing and milk then mix.

The author helpfully notes that her favorite salad dressing "is Miracle Whip."

I'd never thought of Miracle Whip as "salad dressing." I'd also never thought of mixing the above ingredients and calling them a meal.

I'm reminded of the casserole made for us last XMAS, with canned asparagus, hard-boiled eggs, canned peas, cream of mushroom soup, and crackers.

If you haven't seen it before, check out The Amazing Mackerel Pudding Plan. It's snappy and it makes me die a little inside every time I read it.

Oh, DC. You're so efficient.

So, I got protested on my way into work tonight. Quite literally, got the glare face on my way into a govt-type conference cocktail party by a woman holding a sign and wearing ugly shoes.

However, DC called in the friggin BOMB SQUAD due to an extremely suspicious stuffed polar bear outside the Columbia Heights Metro.

http://www.nbc4.com/news/17484808/detail.html

And shut down the metro. And the street.

Please go to the NBC site for a photo of the bomb squad approaching the polar bear. Just when I thought today couldn't get ANY stranger.

http://www.nbc4.com/slideshow/news/17485520/detail.html

Wedgie saves man's life

A window cleaner in Australia survives a nine-story fall (the downside is that he had the sensation of being nearly twain in two by his harness) - read more at http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,23913749-952,00.html.

(posted by Katie)