Names of the day...

LeFreda. Johnell.

Moron of the day: this dipshit.

In this week's travels...

Went back to my "hometown" this week for Thanksgiving, you know, the other side of DC.

Now, the one thing that this part of town has is the "Sniders Superfoods" grocery store, which is pretty much the most amazing thing in the world because it's yards cheaper than giant or safeway (which are cheaper still than the strange bodega under my last apartment, that sold channukah candles but not toilet paper, despite the fact that it was July). Sniders always has the best sales on cheeses and a solid and proper deli counter. Those of us who were raised on the bagels and smoked fish for breakfast thing can appreciate this.



Please also note that they have "meat that can't be beat."

In other perusals, I was biking to shoppers food warehouse in Alexandria the other day by way of Del Ray (my typical route, it takes longer and you don't have to battle route 1) and I noticed that Del Ray offers a store that is BOTH a comic book shop AND an "exotic planterium."



On yet another note, I made pie:

D'ya suppose he was... compensating?

apparently hitler only had one ball.


Uh, and they made a song about it.

Names of the week...

In the interest of my sister's collection of Bad Baby Names, BHAC has decided to start a "Names of the Week" section. It may or may not be updated by the week, but whatever.

Included sections include Inappropriate Use of The Apostrophe, Inappropriate Spellings, Names We Can't Pronounce, and just about anything else that makes us laugh.

This week's are:

L'Aura.

Shabanna.

Spaetzle (Pronounced Spetzel).

More interesting real estate...

WTF is an Obama-friendly condo?

Norman is an "unnatural creature"

Poor Norman.

Norman is my garden gnome. He is so not aesthetically unattractive. I maintain that Norman could so totally help the grieving process.

Garden gnomes have been banned from cemeteries by a church diocese because leaders say they are "unnatural creatures".

The gnomes, along with plastic flowers and other decorations such as teddy bears, have been called "inappropriate" and tacky by the Diocese of Bath and Wells.

The church banned the garden figures from Wrington and Congresbury cemeteries in Somerset, and have said they will remove any that they find as part of new guidelines issued by the Chancellor of the Diocese, Worshipful Timothy Briden.

A spokesman for the Diocese of Bath and Wells said: "There is no such thing as a real gnome so why should we have such unnatural creatures in churchyards?"

The spokesman added: "Things such as gnomes and plastic flowers are not permitted because they are aesthetically unattractive and they make it harder to maintain the grounds.

"The historic churchyards are part of Somerset and we want to keep them tidy and safe.

"If people want their loved ones to be buried in one of our churchyards then they have to stick to the rules which are clearly displayed at all churchyards."

The decision to ban the gnomes and statues has been met with criticism from the community however.

Hollie Richards, 24, who has lived in Congresbury all her life and has two grandparents, an uncle and an aunt buried in St Andrew's churchyard in the cemetery, said: "People should be free to put what they want around the gravestones as it is down to personal preference.

"It helps the grieving process as you can surround the grave of the person you love with possessions that were important to them.

Ms Richards added: "I am lucky I live so near as I can take fresh flowers, but what about the people who live far away?

"They will have to leave knowing the flowers will deteriorate and will look unsightly after a few days."

DISCRIMINATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Divinity, served cold with onion and miracle whip

In searching for a nice, basic pasta recipe that I could make for this evening: something involving maybe some good parmesan cheese, broccoli, spinach, olive oil, garlic, maybe some asparagus or sundried tomatoes or something... I came across one of the reasons that, from a culinary perspective, sometimes America sucks.

I give you MAC RANCH!

1/2 bottle ranch dressing
1/2 container vegetable dip
1/3 cup purchased salad dressing
4 stalks celery, diced
4 hard boiled eggs, peeled
1 box spaghetti noodles, cooked
1/4 cup milk
5 scallions, chopped

Chill noodles and eggs. Chop eggs into noodles. Add mixture of onions and celery. Add ranch dressing and vegetable dip. Add salad dressing and milk then mix.

The author helpfully notes that her favorite salad dressing "is Miracle Whip."

I'd never thought of Miracle Whip as "salad dressing." I'd also never thought of mixing the above ingredients and calling them a meal.

I'm reminded of the casserole made for us last XMAS, with canned asparagus, hard-boiled eggs, canned peas, cream of mushroom soup, and crackers.

If you haven't seen it before, check out The Amazing Mackerel Pudding Plan. It's snappy and it makes me die a little inside every time I read it.

Adventures In Real Estate, 14910, in which Sarah looks for a house on the hill...

Mom and I were scanning the sales ads again, I'd been thinking that if I never find somewhere in Old Town (that doesn't like, lean sideways, or like, still have recently-released inmates living there because it is presently an unregulated halfway house with a dilapidated pink kitchen, I'd look on the Hill, because it's a beautiful part of town and one of the few that really feels like an old city neighborhood, not as beigey-concrete and pricey as dupont or as trashed as Columbia Heights. Transitional. Sorry. The real estate term for trashed is TRANSITIONAL. Or "authentic." Or "charming."

So we're looking at this one place that which is really beautiful on the outside, it's a nice yellow rowhouse with beautiful detailing not found in most recently-built homes, and I called the realtor about it. Apparently it needed like, some rehab, but it's right behind that nice strip of bars and good restaurants on Pennsylvania Avenue and everyone has a different definition of "some rehab."

I asked the realtor what that meant and he said "Oh, you'd have to do some renovations."
Me: "Does it uh, need to be gutted?"
Realtor: "Well, that would depend on your definion of 'gutted.' I suppose I'd leave the floors."

In our perusing, we come across this one in NE a few blocks from the Capitol, which IS renovated (ish. It turned out the renovations were pretty but badly done, so it's not exactly unlikely that they would fall out). It's in a gorgeous spot on the Hill, close to everything, all victorian rowhomes and cute restaurants with folks out and about raking leaves and whatnot. We meet the listing-agent-et-douchebag, who was, unfortunately, your typical Stuff-White-People-Like type, the gentrified urbanist, in soulful tweed jacket, who is positively convinced that those of us who live in Northern Virginia are dying a slow death from boredom and makes a point to tell us how he really feels.

Mind you, directly outside the house is about four cop cars, a bunch of guys in SWAT gear, and a helicopter flying overhead, circling.

My mother just looks at me and goes "Sarah? THERE IS A SWAT TEAM OUTSIDE THIS HOUSE."

I think I just smiled and merely said "Well, at least there IS a police presence and they haven't just given up on it."

I suppose we'll keep looking.

"A Sparkly Herd of Men"

This happened last night a couple blocks away from where I live. Yep, it's the gay-borhood, and it's FABULOUS.

"Disorderly" conduct

http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/17589970/detail.html



BEST. MUGSHOT. EVER.

Christianity goes to the dogs...

(and no, this is not another post about His Lordship Seashell Jesus)






















I think I'm with the catholics...

Sarah Palin Babynamer

http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

I'm "Grill Igloo Palin."

Polar Bear Update

http://dcist.com/2008/09/17/greenpeace_takes_responsibility_for.php

Greenpeace and some street artist have taken responsiblity for the polar bears, apparently their "plight" is similar to the homeless... or something... anyway, the man makes SCULPTURES OUT OF TAPE.

BHAC reminds you that people who make sculptures out of tape are the precise reason that some of us left art school. Because someone's senior thesis was to run a roll of tape around the building. And also, someone else's senior thesis was to arrange hundreds of little toy bunnies in a circle.

Oh, DC. You're so efficient.

So, I got protested on my way into work tonight. Quite literally, got the glare face on my way into a govt-type conference cocktail party by a woman holding a sign and wearing ugly shoes.

However, DC called in the friggin BOMB SQUAD due to an extremely suspicious stuffed polar bear outside the Columbia Heights Metro.

http://www.nbc4.com/news/17484808/detail.html

And shut down the metro. And the street.

Please go to the NBC site for a photo of the bomb squad approaching the polar bear. Just when I thought today couldn't get ANY stranger.

http://www.nbc4.com/slideshow/news/17485520/detail.html

Rude man

Actual headline "Giant Penis Man is Disappearing."

And we shall call it... Washington. But not to its face.

On this day in the year 1791, our nation's capital (a.k.a. the place where we live) was named. Not a particularly original name, but better than Zuma Nesta Rock, I suppose. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about the occasion:

"A Southern site for the new country's capital was agreed upon at a dinner between James Madison and Alexander Hamilton, hosted by Thomas Jefferson.

The initial city plan was a diamond, measuring ten miles on each side, totaling 100 square miles (260 square kilometers). The actual site on the Potomac River was chosen by President Washington. Washington may have chosen the site for its natural scenery, believing the Potomac would become a great navigable waterway.

The city was officially named "Washington" on September 9, 1791.

Out of modesty, George Washington never referred to it as such, preferring to call it "the Federal City". Despite choosing the site and living nearby at Mount Vernon, he rarely visited."

"A battle of apathetic grandeur"

Otherwise known as the Hipster Olympics.

Dry toast makes me ANGRY.

Man pulls knife at church for butter
The Associated Press
August 26, 2008

OCALA, Fla. - Authorities say an Ocala man pulled a knife on members of a church congregation who would not give him butter from their morning buffet.

When 48-year-old Frankie Lewis couldn't get any butter on Sunday from the buffet line, police say he pulled his knife on members and threatened to cut them.
Police say Lewis eventually went to put the knife away, but that's when a church member hit him with a wooden board. Lewis then rode away on a bicycle, but police quickly caught him.
Lewis was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. He was being held on $2,000 bail.
___
Information from: Ocala Star-Banner, http://www.starbanner.com/

An homage to my Mr. Coffee...

After 6 years, I finally murdered my coffeemaker.

The Mr. Coffee was the Ol' Reliable of coffeemakers. It was the first appliance that I bought when I moved out of my parents house at age 17. It was white, plastic, with absolutely no features than it could simply make coffee. It wasn't attractive, it wasn't special, it certainly wasn't fancy, but it was functional, and so, like the ugly white plastic microwave, it still hadn't been replaced by something more elegant (uh, as coffee makers go). Besides, since my house, lovely as it is, has fake brick linoleum floors in the kitchen, there's really a limit to what you can do to "upgrade."

It was a constant in my life. 6 years, 4 moves, college, a few jobs, a lot of different haircuts (some really bitchin, some total MISTAKES), some really unique roommates, houseguests, pets (Little Bitch the Hampster, anyone?), meals cooked, drinks mixed, 3 couches, a thouand pairs of really great shoes, relationships, some good, some I would rather forget, laughter, tears, and more slow mornings than I care to admit, it came to a crashing mess in my sink.

Now, my kitchen countertop sports a fancy West Bend espresso maker. It makes coffee AND espresso. It is black. It is shiny. It has features. It makes the rest of the kitchen look shabby. It kind of intimidates me.

Hopefully, it will make a good cup of coffee.

So, raise your glasses, childen, and toast the end of an era. Or something.

BHAC Margie Edition II: Margie's Thoughts on Death (and Elvis)

Not on the dying part, except perhaps the all so important having your wishes clearly known, but on what happens after the spirit has left the body, the plug is pulled, whatever.

I went to the funeral yesterday of the man who hired me for my current job 20 years ago. He had been diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma about 40 years ago and given 6 months to live. He beat it then but it reappeared in his lungs about a year ago and he fought hard but this time it got him.

The funeral service was held in a "chapel" room at the funeral home on site at the "memorial gardens" where he will be buried.

A lousy way to see people you haven't kept in touch with over the years, his service was well attended. There was a "program" printed for us to follow the order of the service which listed the minister and friends/family who would speak. A friend read from a treasured card he'd given to his wife several years ago, etc.

Mid way through the service, a soloist was listed on the card. Not unusual, right?

Well, you surely know that if I'm telling you about it, it was different.

http://www.michaelhoover.com/index.php

Michael Hoover, Elvis Impersonater! Not young Elvis, either. Vegas Elvis. He sang the Lord's Prayer and another song.

I did not know that this was intentional. I'm kind of glad now that it was, as my boss had a pretty good sense of humor but, at the time, I was all BGAK! and just barely managed to keep from blurting out ELVIS IS IN THE BUILDING!

Added to my discomfort was the fact that I was seated next to the President of our company.

This got me thinking on burial vs cremation, funerals (which I thought were more solemn) vs memorial services.

My godfather recently passed away and expressed his wish to donate his body to science. (There was a little bit of a problem since he died on a Saturday morning in his home and wasn't discovered until sometime on Sunday and whether science would still want him but that got sorted out). There will be a memorial service for him later this month, one that will be much more funeral esque and at the Catholic Church he attended the last 50 years or so.

No surprise entertainment at that one but there will be food afterwards.

I personally wish to be cremated (after I'm dead Alex, thank you very much!) and hope that someone will throw a party. I'll leave the food ready in the freezer.

Somewhere I heard that you still have to buy a coffin even to be cremated. I was speaking to a co-worker this morning about that and yesterdays funeral. He said he'd heard that the Netherlands have crematoriums hooked into their power grid.

BZZZZT!! and the lights are brighter for a split second.

There goes Grandma!

Oh, and yes, I did pack a cooler for the trip last night. Another co-worker rode down to the service with me. He pulled in to the parking lot and found a space in the shade of a large tree. I reached into the back of the car and he asked "What are you doing?"

"I brought bottled water, pepsi, strawberries, Ritz crackers and jalapeno pimento cheese"

He looked at me kind of funny.

We snacked on our way back home afterwards.

Balloon Jesui

http://www.apostropher.com/blog/archives/004237.html

This is TALENT.

Desperate much?

THIS is probably one bad date that Xing will never forget.

Check out the size of the holes!

OTIS!!!!!!!! (BHAC Margie Edition)

Otie Goat was a nuisance, a very cute, useless nuisance.

My friend, Doreen, and I went with Mr. Jarvis to the Nokesville livestock auction as he wished to purchase a steer with the intention of taking said purchase straight to the slaughter house as he couldn't bear the thought of eating any of the cows he had raised from calves at his farm. At the livestock sale, there are many people assembled in the parking lot a la "flea market" with assorted goods and creatures for sale. Doreen and I wandered around looking at all the offerings until I spotted one old man with goats for sale.

Otis was a cute goat. About as big as Matlock, maybe a little taller, with a dark brown coat flecked with fawn, white ankles and huge gray ears. He was very inquisitive, as goats are, and I got a bit caught up in petting him.The man selling the goats spotted me as a sucker and said he'd sell him for $10. I said No, no goat and he said "He's neutered, dehorned, has all his shots and he's been wormed." Somehow, that sounded like too good a deal to pass up and I forked over the $10 and Doreen and I stuck the goat in the front section of Mr. Jarvis' gooseneck stock trailer.

Back inside the auction, bidding had begun on a very large white bull. Mr. Jarvis bid actively until he acquired the animal. Quite satisfied with himself, he prepared to leave as a very large farm type guy in overalls came up to us.
"You the feller who bought that there bull?" he asked.
Mr. Jarvis allowed as to how he was the purchaser, yes, he was.
"What you going to do with old Tiny?"
Slaughter him.
"We was kind of afraid that'd happen to Tiny. He shore is a good bull. :-(" Only reason he's here is the owner is coming around to an all purebred operation and old Tiny here had to go. Yup, shore is a good bull"
Mr. Jarvis felt all his best intentions swallowing him up.
Being of stern stuff, he hiked up his belt in the way that men with large belt buckles and bolero string ties are inclined to do and he turned to go pay for his cow and get him loaded on the trailer. Mr. Jarvis was less than pleased to find a goat in his trailer but was quite taken aback by the thought of poor Tiny's forthcoming demise, so all he said was "He's not coming to my barn" about the goat.

For a few weeks, Otis lived behind the efficiency cottage that Ken (boyfriend #1) and I rented. Otis was on a chain tied to a tree, like a hound dog but there were no cars up on blocks. Feeling sorry for Otis, since he was so cute, and convincing my friend, Sharon, that her new property was in desperate need of a goat's wonderful brush clearing abilities, I convinced Sharon that Otis should live at her house out in Marshall.

Now, Sharon and her husband, Bobby, had dogs. Big black dogs. Bobby was known to our own Grizzles dog and my son, John, as "Big Dog Bob." Sharon and Bob's fawn great dane bitch, Baby, (I know), got knocked up by some other big dog and the resulting litter of three ended up with one surviving pup, Brutus. Sharon decided that Brutus would be a lonely puppy without another black puppy to play with so Bruno was acquired. Bruno looked like a flat coated retriever, except he wasn't and he happily joined the fun at Sharon & Bob's house.

When Otis came to live with them, the dogs thought they had died and gone to heaven, as Otis joined right in with the dog play. Round and round the yard they raced! Into the Water Tub! Out of the water tub, into the water tub, etc, went the two pups and Otis.

This amused Sharon until she had to clean all the mud out of the water tub several times a day. When they tired of that game, they played a great game called "greet the visitors", barking madly and racing down the driveway everytime someone came over to visit. The dogs and goat would run straight at the car, with the two pups splitting off on either side to bounce and bark at the car doors while Otis leaped on to the car's hood! Fun! Fun! Fun!

This usually caused the person driving to stop the car but they couldn't roll their windows down to yell because the dogs were RIGHT THERE! Otis would then leap from the hood to the roof to the trunk and back again. This was all accomplished with great amounts of noise. Dogs barking, Otis BAAAAAAAAAing. Sometimes people didn't come back.

Other times, people in the know would call before coming over, a situation that Sharon rather appreciated but it did get annoying after a while. The beginning of the end of Sharon's patience was the day that she was out in the sheet metal clad barn, caring for the horses.

Sharon had a head cold, or a hang over, or just plain lack of sleep but, when Otis ran up the set of stairs outside the barn and up onto the metal roof and began to run back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth, Sharon snapped. Up the stairs she ran, brandishing a broom and screaming "I'm going to KILL THE GOAT"

Much to her dismay, Otis took one look at her coming and leapt right off the roof!

Sharon crept to the edge and peered down at the giant boulders two stories below. No crushed goat body! She turned around, ready to cry and apologizing for being so mean to Otis, when she saw him coming back up the stairs all ready to do it again!

After that, Otis got tied to a tree by the dog collar he wore around his neck.

Previous little Otis episodes had included him standing on the back porch railing, walking his front hooves out along the kitchen window sill and looking in while Sharon's sister in law was doing the dishes. She looked up and there was a goat in the window "BAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

She dropped the dishes.

Right around that time, we girls had been in the living room, having a nice chat, when Otis (outside on the front lawn) decided to join us and ran straight at the house and leaped up SMACK BASH into the sliding glass door which he apparently didn't know was there (or closed).

With Otis tied up, Sharon rather thought that things would calm down but Otis was at work. He would go round and round (and through) the tree until he was hanging by his neck with his feet barely touching the ground. Sharon would hurry out to free him. Soon she noticed that he did it as soon as she walked away.

Sharon decided she'd be better off if she didn't have to SEE Otis hang himself so she tied him up closer to the road, down at the end of the driveway.

She told me over the telephone that she could hear cars slow down and stop to help Otis. His loud bleating BAAA BAAA BAAA would get quieter as the people approached. She said you could tell when they attempted to leave as his voice would get louder.
Come Baaaaaack
Come Baaaaaack!
COME BAAAAAAACK
COME BAAAAAACK YOU BAAAAAAASTAARDS

Not long after that, Sharon gave Otis to her brother in law, who took him to live in their large, fenced yard in Manassas Park with his bunch of dogs. The last we heard of Otis was that her BIL had to go to the Animal Shelter to bail out the dogs and Otis.

do WHAT?

Some astounding logos we've found 'round the interwebs today.

Won't somebody think of the children?

This is a logo for a pharmacy.

....and jazzboobs!

My kids are totally going to daycare at the kidsexchange.

Wow. I don't have any words for that.

whoa!

NESS CITY, Kan. - A man whose girlfriend sat on a toilet for so long that the seat adhered to her body will spend six months on probation.

Kory McFarren pleaded no contest last month to a misdemeanor count of mistreatment of a dependent adult. A judge sentenced him Tuesday to six months in jail but granted the probation after the victim, Pam Babcock, asked for leniency.

"She didn't believe that her circumstances were his fault," Ness County Attorney Craig Crosswhite said.

Babcock's plight became known in February when McFarren called the Ness County sheriff, expressing concern about his live-in girlfriend. When authorities arrived, they found Babcock physically stuck to the toilet.

McFarren told police Babcock had refused to come out of the bathroom for two years. Medical personnel estimated she'd been sitting on the toilet for at least a month and said the seat had adhered to sores on her body.

She is now under the protection of a guardian who was appointed through the legal department at the hospital where she received treatment.

Also Tuesday, McFarren was sentenced to six months in jail for an unrelated charge of lewd and lascivious behavior for exposing himself to a teenage neighbor in March.

HOTTEST.MAN.EVER.

http://whywomenhatemen.blogspot.com/2008/07/weasel-woke-up-to-beautiful-saturday.html

OH YEAH.

Just.. Orlando. (with jesus sighting)

I went to Orlando for work this week. I now totally and completely understand why people laugh at Florida.

The Orlando airport is the only airport I've ever been in where people seem to think that SHOES are totally optional.

I witnessed a man using a Ford Explorer to tow another car. Unfortunately, he had it hooked to the bumper with a piece of twine/rope. No hitch, and nothing to make the smaller car stop. The good news is that people like that will get killed. The bad news is that they'll probably take someone else out on the way.

I counted 7 pinky rings and diamond rings, both on men, in a half an hour.

A 8 year old child in the hot tub at 11 p.m. was eloquently pontificating his viewpoint on Barack Obama, who he kept referring to as "BO." The viewpoint was based entirely on things he's heard while listening to the Rush Limbaugh show.

I found a tank top with skulls all over it and "ORLANDO!" written across the boobs in script.

Best of all?

I found Seashell Jesus in a tourist shop. MULTIPLES. Sadly, these Jesui did not light up, however, they came in different sizes and had a little stick on thingie that said "FLORIDA." Jesus was glow-in-the-dark.

http://www.orlandofloridasucks.com/

UPDATE! - Gods Grotto By The Sea

Seashell Jesus was procured Saturday morning from the clutches of the aging pageant queen to the tune of $15, and worth every penny.

He is now an interstate traveller, attending a wedding in West By God Virginia and then road-tripping up to Coatesville, Pennsylvania. He is currently awaiting pickup at a farm in Fairfax Station, Virginia, where we will take more pictures and then foist him on my sister as a housewarming gift.

Jesus H Christ on a... seashell?

Margie and I went to the world's most amazing yard sale yesterday. Hosted by an aging pageant queen named Dora Lee or something to that effect who was very much a few fruit loops short of a full box, we rifled through boxes upon boxes of things until we found... God's Grotto By The Sea, aka, Seashell Jesus. It lights up. Apparently it was made in Italy and therefore it is considered "valuable" and I'm quite regretting not purchasing it as a housewarming gift for my dear sister.

"The chuppah is closer than you think!"

Are you Jewish, and want to get married? Perhaps this might pique your interest. I think it's like The Rules for Jews.

Oh yes, and there are games:

"The Discovery Wheel is a simpler, more direct communication tool that singles can play on dates to ask each other specific questions about their lives and dreams."

(PS anyone ever hear of having a conversation?)

And speaking of The Rules, those chicks have recorded a RAP SONG. Hey, "Just do the Rules." It's "inspirational," according to their website. Hmm.

On a slightly related note, we can all rest assured knowing that these men will never get laid, no matter how good they think their game is.

(posted by Katie)

This blog would not be complete...

without the Phyllis Diller chickens.

Every year, our friend Margie goes to the Pennsylvania Farm Show for homemade donuts and to stare at all the krazy people that live on farms in Pennsylvania. She swore up one side and down the other that they had chickens that look like Phyllis Diller, so this year I decided to make the trek to Harrisburg and see for myself.

Indeed they do.

invtnv splng

I heard on the radio this morning that more schools are allowing the practice of "inventive spelling," which allows children to spell incorrectly as a reflection of their development as a speller. It does not deem the child's spelling "incorrect," as that would be damaging to the child's self-esteem.

I'm constantly hearing grown ups bitch that their young new hires can't write a sentence, can't spell, and are somewhat illiterate despite their degrees. Heck, *I* bitch about that all the time and in my day, we didn't walk uphill both ways in the snow, barefoot, just to get some good old fashioned book learning. However, we did learn to spell. And I do not feel that my "development" as a writer or a person was hampered by it, in fact, I am grateful that I was taught properly. And I went to Liberal Land for school, if there was ANY evidence that this truly helped our self-esteem, believe me, they would've done it. We had Diversity Awareness Week, for goodness sake, where we devoted time to figuring out that we were mostly white but that Different is Good.

"constructivists are likely to believe that the child is inventing spellings in accord with his or her understanding of language and print," claims Wikipedia. I'm pretty sure this means that NO ADULT READS TO THEM therefore they have NO understanding of language or print. Then again, they also claim that "constructivists" also feel that "because knowledge is cultural, there are no right answers."

Let me get this straight: it is acceptable to allow a child to misspell because you may hamper their development as a speller and harm their self-esteem if you insist that they do it correctly, however, you're complaining because now your workforce can't write and calls mommy every time someone corrects them?

I'm not having children. Not if this is what they have to contend with. On the plus side, I now totally understand all those resumes I'd previously just been throwing out and writing off as "too stupid to work here."

In Memoriam...

Jesse Helms, 1921-2008.

I don't think there's a more fitting tribute than watching the Gay Men's Chorus sing "On The Street Where You Live" outside his house. Or "What The World Needs Now (is Love, Sweet Love)" outside his office.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd62dptmpBk

Totally newsworthy!!!

The pregnant man has given birth.

Excellent Laws

http://hamptonroads.com/2008/07/its-law-it-will-make-you-laugh
http://www.professorcornbread.com/humor/jokes/bizarre.php

It is illegal to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

It is illegal to carry a concealed ice-cream cone. (TEXAS!)

One may have sexual relations with a porcupine. (How does this even work?!)

A law in Alexandria, Minnesota makes it illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath smells like garlic, onions, or sardines. (uh, we AGREE!)

Hotel owners in Hastings, Nebraska are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. According to the law, no couple may have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts. (Hawt)

Oooooh, ahhhhh...

How could we call ourselves a D.C. blog without offering fireworks on the Fourth of July? As we will not actually be blogging this Fourth, thanks to the joy of federal holidays, we invite you to amuse yourself in advance by creating your very own "firework display" at http://www.pbs.org/capitolfourth/fireworks.html.

The folks at PBS promise it's "just like the exciting display that lights up the sky in Washington, D.C."

Yeah.

(Posted by Katie)

dreams...

Last night I had a dream where the landlord died and the house went up for auction immediately (it also turned from reasonably tidy to an absolute mess overnight, and someone had stolen the dining room table to sing songs around, piano bar style). The neighborhood biddies were using it as a gathering place to mourn Mrs. Landlord and they kept requesting Smirnoff Ice. I was flipping out because a proper virginia hostess should always have the right food on hand, but like, no one I know drinks smirnoff ice, so I had to send someone to the store for smirnoff. I kept trying to ply them with fizzy peach wine but that only kind of worked.

more from Texas...

Zweigel's premium "Texas Brand" hot dogs... from Rochester, New York.

Is that kind of like how Texas Pete Hot Sauce is "a North Carolina original"?

Did anyone else know...

... that the Texas state motto is "Friendship"?

I once had a bathroom that was painted "Friendship." Apparently it is a pale peach.

(btw, the Smithsonian Folklife Festival is this weekend. They are featuring NASA, Bhutan, and Texas).

Unexplained phenomenon

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"The bride's motive for abandoning her husband was not immediately clear."

http://www.spiegel.de/international/zeitgeist/0,1518,561503,00.html

I'd say it's perfectly clear...

Wedgie saves man's life

A window cleaner in Australia survives a nine-story fall (the downside is that he had the sensation of being nearly twain in two by his harness) - read more at http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,23913749-952,00.html.

(posted by Katie)

Obama's (tartan) lover

http://www.smh.com.au/news/us-election/i-had-sex-with-obama/2008/06/19/1213770824274.html?feed=RSS

Obama's alleged "gay lover" books a room at the Press Club to hold a press conference regarding them doing drugs and having sex. Oh, and his attorney is Montgomery Blair Sibley, aka DC Madam Deborah Jeane Palfrey's attorney, and he is wearing a kilt.

"I don't mean to be impudent," said one reporter, "but why are you wearing a kilt?"

Sibley explained: "It has to do with genitalia. If you are on the smaller side, then pants are not uncomfortable."

Quote of the ages...

"I am not familiar with hispanic designers."

(after being questioned as to why she didn't know who Jerry Garcia was).

WOW

A Los Angeles woman claims she was injured by her Victoria's Secret thong, prompting her to sue the underwear manufacturer.
The plaintiff in the case, Macrida Patterson, 52, attributed the May 2007 injury to a Victoria's Secret "low-rise v-string," according to a court document posted on The Smoking Gun.
Patterson's lawyer told The Smoking Gun that a "design problem" caused a decorative metallic piece on the underwear to fly up and hit Patterson in the eye while she was putting the underwear on.
Patterson's product liability lawsuit was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court last week.
The Smoking Gun reported that, prior to the lawsuit, officials from Victoria's Secret had asked to see the offending underwear but were refused by Patterson's lawyer.

Adventures in Real Estate...

Is it considered a one or two bedroom house if it's got one bedroom, and a shack/shed in the yard with a small toilet in the corner?

Peculiar houses of the day...

I'm pretty sure that this was, at some point, a very simple, sweet little white farmhouse. Sort of like most every other farmhouse 'round those parts. So, wtf is this porch addition? Is that supposed to be a bay window? Who thought this was a good idea?

I guess it's fancy... 'least it's fancy for down round those parts of Virginnie.

Best dog toy EVER

"The Ex."

It even has a little spot for you to write his name on the back.

CNN Headline

"Mud-fearing pig wears wee little boots."

Now with photo!!!!

Extreme Wedding Planning

From Newsweek.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/140148/output/print


Bridesmaid Pre-Nuptial Agreement. Yes, you read that right. If having to squeeze into a puffy, unflattering horror of a dress wasn't bad enough, now bridesmaids have another indignity to contend with. Some brides are so worried about the way their wedding party will look, they have a lawyer draw up a pre-nup that can include things like requiring that a bridesmaid not gain more than 7 pounds before the wedding, not consume too much alcohol at the reception, vow to take extra care of her skin and hair, and not to make any inappropriate advances toward male guests at the reception. [For a peek at a sample agreement, go to the American Bar Association Website).
Although brides who've used pre-nups were reluctant to go on the record for this story, several of them explained that the agreements were necessary to ensure that their day was perfect.
"People can have a contract for just about anything that's not illegal," says Randy Kessler, who teaches family law at John Marshall Law School in Atlanta. "This sort of document simply states that if the woman keeps the requests of the contract, she will be a bridesmaid. If not, she won't. It's not the craziest contract idea I've seen or heard of."
If worded correctly and signed by both members, the contract, which can cost anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000 to draw up, could be used in court. For example, Kessler says, if a woman flew all the way to Hawaii for a wedding and didn't end up being a bridesmaid because of a breach in her contract, and then she tried to sue the bride for the expenses of her flying to Hawaii, the contract could be used in court as proof that the bride had the right to take away the privilege of being a bridesmaid.
But Kessler cautions overzealous Bridezillas: "A wedding should be a happy time. And to be honest, getting lawyers involved always puts a damper on things."

Only in Russia...

Those crazy Ruskies. http://sneezl.com/only-in-russia/?russian

Linens, gifts, and...children?

Does anyone else find this just a little bit strange?

Great Website of the Day

http://photoshopdisasters.blogspot.com/

DCPDWTF?

The DC Police Department has authorized "Neighborhood Safety Zones" to keep the criminal drivers out of the Trinidad neighborhood. For um... 10 days. To "combat crime." Drivers only, this doesn't apply to pedestrians. Isn't this a wee bit unconstitutional?

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/06/04/AR2008060402205.html?hpid=topnews

To quote someone from some other commentary by someone funnier than me on some other news article:

"Well, Officer, my purpose in coming into the neighborhood was to shoot my ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend... but I guess I'll just go home and watch 'American Gladiator' now."

It's easier than you think

We will never forget driving to the Orlando, Florida airport and seeing this billboard.

"It's easier than you think."

website of the day...

http://www.sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com/

I always sort of agreed with family guy when they said she looks like a foot. Nevertheless, we're still totally going to go see the Sex And The City movie tomorrow.

YOU be the judge.

really...

everyone needs a spirit dwarf.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,23803183-2,00.html

Paté

WTF?

Reduced for quick sale. "Herb." It's German. Apparently it also comes in "mushroom" and "garlic."


It's um... shiny.



And it smells like catfood.


Also, open faced radish sammiches are apparently "fast, fresh, and easy."